Feedback Focus

These feedback ideas were very helpful. The one I thought was the most helpful and that I will definitely use the most is the copy and paste idea. It helped me focus in and not get ahead of myself before writing comments. This slowed me down and gave me more focus on giving better feedback through each individual paragraph. My second favorite was the reading aloud idea. This is one of my biggest problems, just speed reading and not gaining a true gist of what is happening and how the story could be improved. This concept kept me at a good pace and I was able to catch things that didn't make as much sense to me and allowed me to help with the flow of the paper. My least favorite, but still helpful idea was the timer. I don't have a problem focusing on a paper, and this timer made me nervous and kind of forced me to speed read through it. But this was helpful because it kept me under a time and helped me not to drift away for too long or spend much of my time in one section.

Overall these techniques were very helpful and I will use them all the time when giving feedback, not just in this class but in all my other classes as well.

(Cats being goofy)

Story: Sinbad Third Voyage, The Giant

The storm was growing stronger and stronger, and it continued to pull us where we did not want to go. Through the night we ran about the ship trying to keep it under our control, but that was worthless. Our ship was wrecked in the harbor of what looked like a deserted island.

(Deserted island)

When morning struck we looked around trying to see if where we had crashed and if there was any evidence of inhabitants, but to no avail. As the day grew longer and our repairs to the ship seemed pointless we began to understand that there was no escaping and that we would have to make our home here. To learn the land and to get to know where the best place to make camp would be we split up into two search parties. One went to the west and my group went to the east, agreeing that we would meet back at the beach where our ship was along the sand. We took off, not knowing what we would find, but staying as positive as anyone who has lost everything. As we continued to search we found something that was quite strange. We came upon what looked to be a deserted castle with towers reaching up to the skies and with doors that took two men pushing as hard as they could to open.

(Castle)

We ran inside yelling with joy and feeling that we were the luckiest men alive. Then we heard what sounded like thunder. But looking through a window we saw a blue sun-filled sky. And again we heard a BOOM! Confused, we huddled together against each other. We sat there hearing each boom get closer and closer. Then in the blink of a moment the doors, which took two of our men, swung open with ease. In came the most hideous creature. It stood probably fifteen feet high with one eye and a face crawling with disgusting things so that I couldn't even imagine where it came from. Not knowing what to do, we tried to walk around the creature and out the door without it noticing. With one swoop of its giant hand it grabbed the man right next to me. It brought him up to its eye and in a quick fit of rage tore him into two and began to peel off the meat like it was a chicken leg. Struck by fear we froze in our places as the giant walked calmly back outside. Not knowing if there were more outside we decided it best to stay inside. This continued for two days. It would come in and have a lunch of one crew mate then leave until nightfall. The third night we began to devise a plan, or at least the half of men remaining did so. And so we put our plan into place and waited for the giant to return for its night of sleep. When it did the crew and I waited for it to fall asleep. Our plan worked to perfection. We were able to stab the eye of the giant leaving it blind and also tying its feet together for it to trip. We ran as fast as we could to the door and back down to the beach to find a sight we did not expect. Four ships were waiting in a harbor with guns pointed. We ran and ran as fast as we could and turning back we saw five giants chasing after us and gaining ground. Canons began to fire and falling around us was debris from the explosions. The giants still running had the strength to deflect the cannon balls, but more kept flying. The giants searching for something to attack the ships with began pulling out full palm trees near the shore and chucking them towards the boats, sinking two in the process.

(Giants fighting)

The two ships left continued to fire killing four giants, but one still stood. The crew was giving everything they had firing at will and trying to keep their ships afloat. The crew realized they weren't going to kill this giant.

(Ship)

One of my crewmates, noticing that the giant was about to sink another ship, stopped and turned around. Not knowing what he was doing we stopped, yelling at him to come on. He looked at us with tears in his eyes and said "Tell my wife I love her and that I died with honor." In that moment he charged the giant with nothing but a sharp stick for a sword. We ran only looking back to see our comrade picked up by the final giant and eaten whole. But his sacrifice was not in vain. In that moment of pause for the giant to feast on the man, a cannonball that was perfectly aimed drove itself right into the head of the giant. With a loud thunderous boom, the giant fell, dead in his tracks. We reached the ships stunned by what we had just seen. We and the men whose ships had been sunk were swimming towards the ships. The ships not wanting to wait for any more giants to come their way took off with what was left of my crew, myself and a few other men who had survived. Looking back we knew we would not have made it if not for the love of our crewmate. We will never forget his sacrifice and we will live each and every day with the heart of two men.


Author's note: I devised this story from Sinbad's third voyage, the Giant. This story tells of the capture of Sinbad and his crew after a storm had washed them on an island. The original had a beginning portion of the story that included little trolls that delivered the crew to the island with the giants, but for the sake of word count I omitted this section and just had the crew crashing on the island with the giants. It tells of an evil giant that one by one ate member of the crew until the crew devised a plan to escape and injure the giant. One change that was different from the original was that there was a battle at the end of this story between ships and giants. I thought this would be a more action packed plot than the original story where they escape on rafts that they had built with wood from the jungle. I wanted to throw in some skills and strength, like being able to throw trees, the giants had and help the reader understand the difficulty it was killing a giant. Also I added the sacrifice to keep into play the idea of love and sacrifice that can be given for those we care about.

Bibliography: Sinbad's Third Voyage by Andrew Lang; link to reading 

Reading Notes: Sinbad Third Voyage, Part B

The second part of this story shows the plan and escape of Sinbad and his crew. I would like to put more emphasis on the plan and strategy of how to escape and maybe throw in something else that would bring more suspense to the story, maybe adding a little battle or traps set by the men that tricked some of the giants. Then when they landed on the other island, I want to use a different beast than a snake, something that brings more terror and haunts the crew and the readers. I think some more description can be used to tell of the giants and creatures instead of wasting time writing about waiting in the castle and being eaten by the giant. That has already happened once so I would like something new to happen.

(Many giants trying to kill the crew)

Bibliography: Voyages of Sinbad, 3rd Voyage by Andrew Lang; link to reading

Reading Notes: Sinbad Third Voyage, Part A

I chose Sinbad because I heard all about Sinbad growing up and a vaguely remember seeing a movie about his voyages. I thought it would be interesting to read them for myself and get to choose my favorite with which I can add a little of my own taste. One thing in this first half of the story that I would like to change is that the men were not restrained to leave the castle, they could've left at anytime the way they came in. I also would like to add a little more description of how the captain was eaten with a little something that the giant does to provoke more fear and suspense for the reader. I really want to hone in on the giant, his appearance and the purpose for the dwarfs bringing the sailors over made a little more clear.

(giant preparing his food)

Bibliography: Sinbad's Third Voyage by Andrew Lang; link to reading